Trust me I have been there and I have done that. I know the look on their face. I know the conversation they always want to have. I know the constant panic they experience everyday and I can describe the exhaustion of watching them suffer from what is not real.
Our reality is our ability to accept that we are perfect and imperfect at the same time. While we choose to ignore our weaknesses and build our strengths, they focus all their attention on their flaws.
They fall in love like we do. They care about what happens to the people they love, just like you and I. the only difference is, maybe they care little too much.
Love is not meant to make you unsettled. It is supposed to keep you calm. The thought of having a companion should not give you sleepless nights. It is supposed to be a comfort. That is what you and I know and work with. But for an insecure person, the reverse is often the case.
Loving an insecure person may entail that you put in more work but it is very possible.
You will have to get ready for all the calls in the morning, at noon and at night. Be sure to reply every single voicemail left on your phone as soon as possible. And every time you live their presence, be sure to live a reminder that reassures them that you will never leave.
It’s difficult to see someone so beautiful allow themselves to be overcome by their faults, forgetting how amazing they are but that’s why you are there.
Your job is to be a constant reminder
You have to be the mirror, reflecting their awesomeness all the time. They may not believe you at first but you have to keep trying till they do.
Help them express themselves
There will be times they will say there are OK when they are not. They may want to avoid conversations and deflect attention away from themselves especially if it exposes any of the aspects of their lives which they are insecure about.
In such cases, you are not to let them go easily. Make them see the need to express themselves. There is nothing that cannot be discussed and there’s nothing that cannot be understood if it is shared. The best way that you can be supportive to them is by letting them share exactly how they feel. Do not assume or try to put words into their mouth, instead ask more questions.
Listen and learn from them. The more you understand the problem, the easier it will be to solve it.
Let them fight and win
It will take some time but they are very much able to solve their problems and overcome their insecurities on their own. You shouldn’t take up their challenges and make them yours. The best you should do is holding their hands at every step of the way.
There are some battles we will have to fight on our own to truly win.
Be tender but not weak
Not all issues are meant to be handled leniently. Sometimes you will have to put your feet down to uphold certain principles so your relationship can stand a chance.
For people who are insecure, there may be certain unacceptable behaviours that they may exhibit. They could get too needy or start snooping around. When that happens, you don’t sweep it under the rug and make excuses for them. You call their attention to their action and let them take responsibility for them.
You can’t keep rewarding their wrongs with reassuring love. There are times you will have to address certain issues and ensure they are corrected.
Love always works out if all the right things are put in place. Don’t give up on yours.