I have heard a lot of people say the human being has a sixth sense.
It is supposed to be an intuition that tells you when something bad is about to happen to you. It’s an antenna probably located under your left ear, picking up signals that inform you that you are about to get hurt. For most people who follow their instincts, it works pretty well for them.
I fall into that category. I do believe I have a sixth sense, but one thing is certain; it only works when I turn it on. I get hurt easily because most times that switch is turned off.
My sixth sense is usually turned on when I meet someone new. There’s every reason to be suspicious. I have to be realistic because not everyone can be trusted.
But when the person turns out to be unbelievably sweet I immediately turn the antennas off. I become an instant idealist! We eventually become friends and I get super comfortable. It gets worst when we fall in love because that’s when I completely forget that I even have a sixth sense.
That was our story. We moved from one cloud to the other. We were meant for the heavens, always reaching for the skies, or so I thought.
I didn’t know you were only taking me higher so that my fall would be a perilous one.
There were many things running through my mind when I understood that all I thought we had is a lie. I felt a combination of pain, anger, shame and an undeniable fear of the future like an earthquake, shaking the very foundation I stood on.
You planned to break me, but I am unbreakable.
I trusted you with my everything and you stabbed me in the back before I could even make a complete turn.
I cannot express this shame I feel. A part of me reminds me that someone mentioned this to me earlier. I had a hunch that this will happen in the nearest future. Someone had whispered a ‘Be careful’ in my ears. Friends who soon became foes, because I didn’t think they shared my joy. The tables have turned because it is their turn to say they told me so.
I had a warning which I chose to ignore and now I can’t show my face. Someone just stabbed me in right in my chest. Someone just picked my dignity and trust and dragged it in the mud and I can’t even cry openly.
I can’t complain. I can’t I blame anyone apart from myself. Somewhere in the fun of it all, somewhere in the ecstasy, I was asked to take a little caution, look before I leaped but I didn’t see a need.
I see the need to have caution now. Because of you, I will be careful. I will take a little more time before I entrust my heart to another.
I lie down and replay all those promising conversations we had. I read all our chats over and over, scanning through, looking for the clues I missed. Anything that could suggest that you will soon change from the person I fell in love with. Something to suggest that I will soon get hurt but I found nothing.
You may have been smooth with your words but I know better. You have taught me to listen with my heart, not my ears alone. I know now how to pay more attention to a person’s actions and not rely on empty words.
You played a fast one on me but I will trust again.
You broke me into innumerable pieces but I have found myself. I didn’t just heal; I was reborn into a better and stronger person. I will love again and this time, I will fall deeper.