I Am Caught Between The One And The One I Wish Is The One

For a long time, I wished it would be you. I prayed and waited for a miracle. I reduced my standards and raised them back up but you just remained the same. Confused and completely clueless!

I had run away from this decision for a long time. I guess I have to stop running now. I am stuck and I can’t move on until I choose. I wish I didn’t have to choose but I am running out of time.

You should know now that the times have changed and so must we. Sorry so must I.

Love is supposed to be fun and decisive. I am not supposed to go back and forth. I am not supposed to wonder if I am doing the right thing or not. I am supposed to be sure. Sure it is you and nothing else should matter. Unfortunately, closing my eyes has not kept me from seeing clearly.

Something inside me tells me I am selfish. Maybe I am even being heartless for running after what isn’t and forgoing what is.

I can’t tell my friends. They will definitely say I am foolish for forgiving you again. Of course I can’t blame them. They knew what happened. They will hate me for even giving it a thought. But I can’t bring myself to not want you. It doesn’t matter how hard I try.

As messed up as you are, I still want you. As unstable as you are, you are all I wish I had. Though I see the pain you will cause me, all I want to do is embrace you.

That is the irony that surrounds love. The stupidity of our fragile hearts. As much as I want to follow my heart, my head tells me the truth. The truth is that you are bad for me. You will hurt me as you have always done.

I always thought we had a time problem. We loved each other at the worst times. It was either you were scared of commitments or I had just gotten out of a rebound.

For the first five times, it was your career. Then the distance issue came up but we struggled to make it work. Now it is neither of the two but we still can’t come to terms with the idea of us.

As hard as this sound we must say the bitter truth. We were once sufficient for each other but that ship sailed a long time ago.

 I want more and you want more too but none of us is more right now.

This must end. Not because it is right or wrong. Frankly, I can’t use any morality to justify this but we end because we have to.

Maybe we’ve learned enough from each other. We are at the crossroads where we must take our separate paths. Even when don’t feel ready.

This was not how we expected it to end but let’s face it. Nobody ever knows the end from the beginning. We could plan but the outcome always has a mind of its own.


If anything all I have is gratitude. I really thought I won’t love anyone as hard as I loved you but what can I say. Maybe I shouldn’t have made that conclusion in a hurry.

Each of us brought something we needed. And we were lucky enough to learn from each other. If you ask me this is not as sad as it looks.

This goodbye isn’t with a heavy heart and regrets. It is moving on to better or more as you always called it.