I just realized that I won’t need your permission anymore. The world won’t wait for me before it takes off.
The trees will grow taller and the waters will keep flowing from one source to the other. The sun will rise and the moon will take its place between the stars. Nature will take its course and so must I.
It’s sad and it rips me apart to know that from now on anytime I say I love you, I won’t be saying it to you. But that’s fine because all the times I said it, you never listened.
I looked around and I became conscious of the fact that I could spend my entire life aching and wishing for what I wanted or I could embrace what I had and build on it. The choice was never yours; it was mine to make and so I choose to get up and go.
My yearning for you for was like an awful cold it was sure to end any moment but it lingered on and on.
A kind of anxiety almost like a deep exhale before my test results came out; this love was perfect in my head until reality set in.
I have swung between a mysterious hope and desperate despair all by myself, how hard can it be to dust myself off the ground and move on? I waited so long and I have made all the excuses in the world for you, I think it’s time I excused myself from this heart of yours, I am undoubtedly not welcome.
There’s a part of me that wants to let go but another part just keeps lingering. All this confusion and I know deep down in my heart there is nothing here for me. Not now nor in a million years!
I never laid down a rule for you yet I followed everyone you gave. When I came into your world no one understood you but me. Till now you are ready to make exceptions for everyone else but me. I cannot keep chasing you; I have to chase me too.
I thought I belonged with you even when you didn’t want me. I still gave myself away. Right now, I understand that can only belong to me. I burnt with desire and stayed quiet and when I decided to speak up, I only uncovered more punishment for myself.
Sometimes it is not how much we fight for what we want, it is how much we can open our eyes to see some many other possibilities.
There was a time when I was the only one you wanted to talk to but I have to come to terms with the fact that those times no longer exist. I repeatedly stuffed my ears for years and I told myself all the things I wanted to hear even when you didn’t say them but that’s changed too because I’m done returning all those phone calls, there’s no conversation between us when your actions speak louder.
Love is a deliberate effort to be committed to a person, it is all I ever wanted and you have made it clear it is exactly what you are not willing to offer.
So here’s what I am going to do, I will breathe through this pain when you expect me to pass out.
I ‘m going to walk through this storm when I am supposed to be crawling. I will move slowly but surely and I will get out even if it takes all my energy.
The world waits for no one to get out of a hard situation. Getting out of this love is a hard process but I am tough enough.