The whole world expects me to be strong, I hear it every day.
It’s clearly stated in every book I read how the weak ones are trampled upon and only the strong ones are triumphant.
All my life I repeatedly told myself I had to be strong even when no one told me. I had a way of reminding myself.
I am familiar with the voice that says you can’t break down. You can’t even afford to close your eyes and have a nap because failure is behind you, lurking in every corner of your room just waiting to creep up on you the very second you lose guard.
I hear the voice again and again; the world is not meant for the weak so I live in constant fear and I can’t get rid of the nagging question on my mind. Am I weak? Or am I strong?
When do I get weak? And when does my strength return and what if, just what if my strength is not found when I need it the most.
The world doesn’t care. All they tell me is you’ve got to be strong as though that was the only way I could prove myself to humanity.
As though falling down made me less of a person and breaking down made me abnormal.
Whatever happens, you’ve got to pull through! Make sure you put yourself together sweetheart; there’s no room for cry babies here.
Well no more; I need a long break.
I need to admit that I can cry and scream in frustration and still be human. I need no pity so don’t look down on me for being who I am.
Yes being sorrowful and sober; that is me too.
Don’t give me that stare because I came out in the open and expressed my deepest fears while you stayed behind closed doors and wet your pillows.
You and I, we are the same!
The only difference is I am bold to admit my weakness while you shy away from yours.
I am tired and I need to be left tired because that’s how I find my way. I don’t want to rush out just to return to the same place.
I need a long break.
I need a break from people’s expectations and long speeches of how I don’t have a choice but to make it and not just make it; but when I should make it and how I should make it.
I need a break from lies that say strength is the only thing human about me because if it is then why the hell do I still feel so weak even at my strongest moments.
I need a long break from pretence it is so shallow; I need to find me deep down in that weakness because it is at that point that I find my strength.
When you feel like you need the lies to survive because the truth makes no sense, remember you shouldn’t bury everything happening to you deep down just to pretend to be strong.
Being weak is very much a part of you as much as being strong is and so you don’t have to run away from your weak self.
You need to admit that you are weak sometimes and that’s the very thing that makes you a complete human being.
Settling down for what you don’t want and calling it strength isn’t fooling anyone but you.
You need to learn that your weakness could become strength when you embrace it. Being weak, that’s very much part of me, you and everyone else. It happens but it is not over.