This Is To The One Who Found Me When I Couldn’t Find Myself

Thank you for helping me to see the light before I got to the end of the tunnel.

When I could not trust my thoughts because I wasn’t sure if I controlled them or they controlled me and all the days I sat and mulled over what was real and what wasn’t. You were there constantly painting a true picture that made me remember who I truly am.

You showed me I had a flame in me that could never go out even in the darkest of nights.

When I couldn’t find that minute grain of clarity, you were the voice that kept me up through my worst days and though I couldn’t hear you every day, you taught me how to nourish that tiny sliver of me that knew everything would turn out fine eventually.

It was you who told me everything was possible if I was grateful enough. You changed my every perspective with when you said I could get more of what I wanted if I could appreciate what I already had.

You became my mirror when I couldn’t stand my own reflection

You opened up and showed me your ugliest sides so I could be comfortable to see that every quality I possessed whether bad or good, other people had those qualities too so I didn’t have to hide for the rest of my life.

I am not odd and weak and my weaknesses could not make me boring and apathetic if I choose differently. All I had to do was to recognize what parts of me I was attracted to and make it better.

You convinced me that I could move on without hurting myself because a change was not meant to be forced; it is meant to be learned.

You told me I could never lose myself; I can only lose my way

With my hands in yours, I found my way.

You saw so much life in me when all I was, was a ghost walking in thick shadows.

When I hurried down memory lane on a quest to dig up my past; because I was so sure I had forgotten the real me there.

You ran after me and pulled me out for you knew it was a trap. There was nothing to be found in that nasty dungeon but regrets. I won’t find myself where I lost myself and that was the truth.

That person was long gone and there was no chance I could recover what was dead. I could search every dusty corner but I will always return empty- handed. I had to give birth to a new me; therein lays a better hope.

You pulled me out when I sunk into a deep denial

When my future appeared bleak and uninviting from a distance, I chose a standstill. It was the end of life as I knew it for I had no strength left to plan a new course.

I thought I could keep looking in the rearview mirror and somehow escape into limbo without having to live in an uncertain future. I chose to never be found than to be lost in what was coming up next.

So I buried my compass and built a mighty wall and with each passing day I held on to what I knew and gave up what I didn’t know.

Despite all I did, you set up a smoke signal and kept walking when no one gave you any directions. You convinced me to open my eyes and see that where I was wasn’t better than where I ought to be. It was okay to set fire to all I’ve known and embrace the future that looked so daunting to touch.

You never gave up on me.

Thank you!