For All The Times You Thought I Was a Fool

For all the nights I stayed up just to watch you sleep and the countless times I stayed hungry so that you could have your fill.

When my knees went numb and my strength failed me, I placed you high on my shoulders for I would rather carry you and fall after every step than let you walk all by yourself.

I gave my heart but it wasn’t enough so I took out my lungs and my brain and everything that kept me alive to lay it down at your feet. All this time you thought I was a fool, I was far better for I saw in you something worth dying for when you couldn’t see it yourself.

Those times when your love was clearly labeled as poison but I drank it anyways. Many moments when I kept quiet not because I had nothing to say but because I knew clearly that you were not ready to hear my thoughts and even when you did, they meant nothing to you.

I will still tell you the truth even when I know you wouldn’t believe it.

When you said you missed me then you went back and did nothing about it, I was still convinced that you cared so don’t blame me when I run after you because all I see is your blood gushing out when you think you’ve stabbed me.

As I fought for you, I realized that I was fighting to be lied to and fighting to be taken for granted, fighting to be disappointed and fighting to be hurt again but I would rather fight for something than waste away.

I am the only one who allows an old flame burn me twice. No matter how hard I try, my attitude towards you will never be based on how you treat me.

I may have put up with more than I should for I have heard you praise yourself for all your victories over me but you should know that all the times you thought you played me for a fool; it was just me being myself. I stood up for you when you couldn’t stand up for yourself.

I remember the look on your face when you saw me; you knew you had burned down too many bridges for me to still find my way to you. When I put you first I knew that I would come second, it was not a mistake, it was part of the plan to keep you safe.

There were times when I regretted being nice to you and apologizing when I didn’t do anything wrong just to keep the peace between us. All this while I knew you were unworthy but that did not stop me from making you a priority in my life. I knew that you probably did it for someone and I too would get someone to do same for me.

In life I have learnt that we come across two kinds of people, the ones who build us and the one who tear us down. In the end I am most grateful to you for you were the test I had to take, a test that proved that good would always prevail.

If I had another life to live I wouldn’t change the choices I made. I will only pray that you learn what I learned; to love wholly is to take up the crown of a fool.

When I allowed pride to rule over my affairs, I learnt nothing. But when I dared to be foolish, I found the best and surest route to wisdom. If being a fool makes me optimistic enough to believe the best is yet to come then by all means I must remain so.