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When It’s all Been Said and Done All I’ve Got is Me

I’m not one to give up easily, I always linger. I am that girl who believes the best of people, yes the one to make a million excuses for others every time something goes wrong.

I am not one to complain anymore, though I used to. I thought my words could make a difference, probably change your mind, but I now realize that you can only do as you please; it has to be for your pleasure. So I have held my tongue, my voice will no longer be heard.

How I dreaded my lone self. How I desperately craved your company. I would have done anything to remain bound to you. While others saw my chains and showed sympathy for my captivity, all I did was build a stronger wall, so I never have to escape.

They say everyone belongs to a circle, a circle of trust and once that circle is bridged, it’s one of the hardest things to mend. So I held you close to my heart but all you did was poison me.

Like a parasite, I was your host and it was all for your own benefit. Alas, I am not one to ask why. My ignorance is indeed bliss for I fear that I might end up revealing worst than I already know.

After all is been said and done, I am my one and only circle of trust.

They say live freely and love hard, be patient and content. When you give, hold back nothing and when you speak, speak only the truth.

The words I have in my head are best spoken only to me. I cannot trust anyone with my utterances.

It is a risk I dare not take; my monologues however boring and depressing are my best bets. So that I can go to bed without worrying about how much I am misjudged and misinterpreted.

There is no better listener than me, no better adviser, after all has been said and done it is only in my own bosom that I find solace.

I am not one trying to get understood, surrounded by so much that is shallow, my only choice is to stay under. The real action happens only in my head. Every waking moment of my life, I get a reminder that in a world of Drama, I am the only one who determines my period of sanity.

All my life I have done nothing but try to make people stay, I go up and all the way down, set my principles high and drag them so low, I go crazy in thoughts, I never stopped kicking and beating myself and in the end, but they always found a way to disappear.

You might say it’s an unfortunate coincidence but I know deep down that when it’s all said and done I am the only one who is good enough for me.

I have breathed in toxic air and swallowed the tears flowing from my eyes.

I have had days when my hands didn’t stop shaking and my limbs were as numb as ice. Days I lost control of my own body.

I have had my heart ripped out and sown back in only to be ripped out again.

Days I closed my eyes and prayed they never opened so I could escape the reality starring at my face.

Days I lost my grip and had no strength to carry on. Days when everything I thought I knew became a lie.

In all of these, I found someone so true; the person who stares back in the mirror. Me, myself and I.

When all has been said and done, I am the only person who stays with me.

 

 

 

 

 

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